What if administering anal probes isn’t really what the aliens are interested in?
Maybe they only want to enlighten us into being cooler, more gracious, n’such stuff as that
to one another. Yeah, perhaps they perform this via an anal probe, sure, but at least
it’s a positive thing to attempt, even if it hurts a little.
Do you feel alienated if everyone around you is pretending not to notice someone’s accidental foibles and not at all helping to remedy them? Like if you spot a person’s fly unzipped but remain silent so the poor person is doomed to run around with their ‘privy spot’ as open source for Lord knows how long?
If exposed nether regions, spinach teeth and wrongly buttoned-up shirts don’t move you to humanitarian acts of kindness, does that mean these things don’t bother you? If not, take me to your leader, I need to vent. For now, secure me in bubble wrap until it’s safe to unravel.
A few days back I had something white camping out in my left nostril. I’d eaten an ice cream cone hours before arriving at a bar. Some snuck up into my nasal cavity. People had ample time to prevent me from being a booger bozo. But nooooooo, instead I traipse around as a total eyesore for hours!
No surprise the bartender was ignoring me. Suddenly I was one of those girls who only becomes attractive at closing time,
when the beer goggles go on. Not cool.
After that night I decided to make it my mission to tell people when their appearance goes awry.
I tested this out at the mall. A cashier had lipstick on her teeth. A dude had suspicious flakes on his shirt shoulders. Plus I helped an angsty teen tuck in the tag of her dress.
.
.
I felt good about this philanthropic effort. Yet trust me, none of them folks thought I was a civil servant.
Those tragic bastards I went out of my way to save gave me nothing but crusty looks before darting off fast.
I felt depleted, especially since initially I fancied myself a hero.
I don’t know… painfully and stubbornly, I still think it’s a good idea to pay it forward if someone has a fuzzball in their hair, toilet paper stuck to their shoe… or tongue.
Do we really need to be bestes buds with peeps before we get nitty gritty and give the sad facts?
I feel we should go for it more than we do now, hero-it-up and just let their evil, ungrateful glares roll off of our backs so we can save as many humans from appearance-fail as possible. The world would be less embarrassing and the aliens wouldn’t have to harass our bottoms with sharp objects.
[ ~?~ What say you? Do you already help out? If not, are you gonna get on this mission to save the general population? What's your worst memory of being an eyesore because no one warned of your visual gaffe?
I think aliens are cool, do you agree? ~?~
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