If you ever need to cook, this information may come in handy…
First you have to dehusk the corn. To ease the boredom of undressing corn, you might want to imagine that you’re stripping off your clothes or somebody else’s. Depending on how much corn you have to shuck, you could also think of group sex and how hot that might be. But then you have to decide the rules… For instance would you want male on male action too or prefer just a hetero kind of thing. Maybe girl on girl would be cool. Focus, really decide how you’d like it to go down. I’ve seen men kiss, no big deal… I don’t know if I want full blown group action or not though. OMG, how many people will be there? Everyone should wear protection because that’s probably extremely important, but maybe not necessary to consider right now since you’re only fantasizing about it.
After the corn is good to go…
Fill a large pot halfway with COLD water. (There should be enough water in the pot so when you add the corn, it is covered but not overflowing.)
Bring the pot of water to a boil.
I have no idea how long it takes a pot of cold water to boil. In the meantime get on the computer and try catching up with your emails. Corn is yellow and yellow is a happy color. If you have emails discussing sad sack or boring relationship stuff, skip that. Jesus Christ, they should get a life, right? Only reply to the people who wrote fun stuff.
And doing so will make you completely forget about the water as it comes to a boil, sitting on the stove ignored for 60-90 minutes. Scream, “Dammit, I forgot the water for the damn corn!” Rush to the kitchen, remove the pot. 
By now there is almost no water left and the pot is a bit black on bottom. Turn on faucet, splash water around the pot, try to cool it down. If pot is ruined then grab another pot. If your 2nd pot is not big enough, then cook less corn.
Place new pot of cold water on the stove. This time grab cell phone and camp out in the kitchen so you don’t forget you’re making corn. Listen to voice mails. If your ex has called you, DO NOT listen right away. Instead, spend time wondering why the jerk has left you a message? Think long and hard on what might be the possible reason for his/her call before you actually “listen” to the message…
Text a few friends.
[NOTE: Do not text the sad sack friends whose emails you've ignored!]
So yeah, text your friends and inquire why they think your ex would be calling you. Suggest a few ideas, ask which one seems most accurate to them:
1. Trying to get back together for sex
2. Trying to mess with your head
3. Both of the above
See who agrees with you. The ones who agree, text them a few more times. Moving on…
Now you’re ready to actually hear the message your ex left. What is your ex talking about? If your ex isn’t saying anything more than “hello” try to figure out the inflection he/she used for that “hello”. After you nail that, then delete the message.
Using tongs, add the corn to the boiling water. My 2nd pot was only big enough for half of a cob. So I used my hand and simply dropped it in. If you do that as well be careful the boiling water doesn’t splash up and scald you. Get ice and apply to your hand, like I did, if that happens to you too.
Normally it takes 5-7 minutes to cook corn, but if you’re really hungry, do it for only 4. Being stuck in the kitchen, watching the corn lamely lay in a pot can be super boring. You might want to call your ex
and talk. Especially since your ex called you first and even left a voice mail. If he/she asks you to go out to dinner, go on and do so. Corn will last in the refrigerator up to 5 days. And knowing what an a-hole your ex is, there’ll probably only be one of these impromptu dinner dates. Eat the corn tomorrow.
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