Is The Internet Saving Your Life?

Next time someone sees you glued to your computer, let them know you are not procrastinating. Tell them you are not wasting time. You are saving time. You are saving your life.

The daily life expectancy for those who remain indoors, camped-out online, is triple to that of the people who step outside and interact with the planet, off-line. Individuals who venture outdoors, away from the safety of their desktop computers can succumb to great bodily harm. Bodily harm is a symptom of death.

There are certain ailments, regardless of indoor cyber use, that may affect us, but if we statistically focus on the “outdoor induced” causes of fatality it will be quite clear that the internet increases your lifespan.

NOTE: This does not apply to people using the internet while outdoors. Specifically not the ones you’re trying to have an in-person conversation with, but instead they text or call other people. Calls and texts to those other people who didn’t waste time meeting them in public.

Compiled below are alarming facts, all of which reiterate how your stay-at-home social networking increases life expectancy by avoiding life’s “unexpectancies.”

.DEADLY STATS.

• Motor Vehicle Accidents: In America, an average of 114 people die each day in car crashes.
• War: Well over 100 million documented war torn deaths since the year 1914.
• Airline Crashes: 120 people killed on average each year.
• Struck by Lightening: 90 people are slain annually in the U.S. by lightning.
• The Flu: 20,000 people die from the flu and its complications every year. This virus is commonly caught by people who leave the house.

.MORE DEATH ORIENTED STATS.
Albeit a fewer percentage of people are snuffed-out by the following, but it’s just as fatal:

• Taken hostage in a bank robbery; bound, gagged, and heinously murdered.
• Being riddled with bullets in a drive-by shooting.
• Pancaked on the street by an exploding manhole cover. Specific to New York City region only.

As proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, by the horrifying list above, people who regularly leave the house have a shorter life span than those remaining indoors. Your every home bound tweet or Facebook post is indeed adding to your longevity. The more you remain inside, the greater the statistical amount of breathing time you’ll have to live online, and off.

Let’s face facts: other than food, water, jobs, money, health care, transportation, and clothing –all you need is love. Love. Love is all you need.

.CYBER CRUSHING.
It’s common knowledge that people with DSL are prone to be more promiscuous than those with dial-up.
The typical internet romance involves two people who have never met and in most cases never will, because the more you get to know someone online, equals the amount you get to dislike them, online. Regardless of internet speed, crushing-on cyber people poses very little threat to your life expectancy. However, same as in a real romance, you can run the risk of a broken heart. Luckily it’s much easier to get over that kind of break than a “real” broken relationship. The depression one suffers via failed electronic commitments passes within a shorter time frame than the ennui and misery of an honest to goodness one-on-one love affair that involves actual human proximity.

If psychologists gave a crap about this sort of thing they’d surely agree.
And any crap-giving doctor worth a crap would tell you, virtual relationships rarely transmit STDs or yeast infections.

Life is your most valuable possession. Going outside to live that life, could kill you.

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Tagged as: immortality, internet, life span, longevitiy, Social Networks