Jealousy Is Pointless, But Necessary

by Ct Kingston · View Comments

.
You know the quote, “Be afraid, be very afraid.”? For some the equivalent is, “Be jealous, be very jealous.” I am not a jealous person. If I act jealous I’m 98% faking it. If I am with a friend, I am with them because I adore them and love their company. I am not competing with them. Neither am I competing with utter strangers. Compete for what? Why would anyone need to “one up” someone they respect and care for or even strangers?
.
.
.
When I am with the one I love, I barely notice the others around me in regards to if they are attracted to my mate. I simply don’t see what strangers are doing. Why should I give a rat’s ass about randoms? Even if they are flirting with ME, more than likely I’m clueless until someone tells me it happened.


I figure it like this, if the one I’m with has the hots for someone else or even sleeps with someone else on the sly, so be it. I leave them. End of story, unless we had communicated fully beforehand and came to some agreement. And if we had done so, then bet your ass I’ll act upon the agreement as well. But I don’t need more than one. Monogamy is a delicious concept to me. Is monogomy “natural”? Absolutely not. We are animals and no matter how big our brains get there is no escaping that fact. Animals need to repopulate the planet, it’s in our nature. You can dispute this, but when doing so please tell me how it is you can divorce humans from the rest of the animal kingdom?

The thing is though, and I hate to admit it, jealousy may be necessary in a relationship.
Jealousy helps your mate know that you realize their attractiveness to others. Helps them know even though they are in a relationship with “one” they are still desired by more than one. Then again, jealousy can get out of control and as many realize from experience, this can ruin a bond and cause suffocation.

Talking to someone else who happens to be good looking and desirable? Big frikken deal. Committing to a relationship does not make one inhuman and unaware of the beauty around us. A person can engage in conversation and admire another without sneaking off to the backseat of a car.

When I was in school my “jealously” consisted of:

1.) Wow, she has such amazing clothes and shoes.
2.) Wow, she gets straight A’s and I get C’s.


But I was evolved enough to know:

1.) Her family has more money than mine.
2.) She probably has better brain DNA than I do or she studies much harder than I do.

I could remedy both of those things by getting a job and paying more attention to my studies. I find jealousy pointless, but sometimes appallingly necessary. For if I hadn’t been jealous in school, perhaps I wouldn’t have applied myself more to my studies and put myself in a position to find better, more fulfilling employment.

Maybe in a relationship jealousy prevents us from becoming slobs.
Why snag a lover and then let ourselves go to flab? Stop reading books?
Forget to take a shower? Fart constantly?

Honor the one you’re with, yes, but first and foremost, honor yourself.
Be jealous, but curb how much. Otherwise you will scare away the ones dearest to you. And as I said, this applies to “friendships” as well. Be yourself and don’t emulate others.
Being inspired by others is natural and often produces great results. Separate the two as best you can. Lusting after another’s life, creativity, prowess, intelligence and strength is belittling to yourself. Become your own entity, strive to improve upon your own given traits or forever be lame.

THIS is what I want to say, on my deathbed, “WOAH, I really ripped the world a new one.”
I don’t have to be famous or rich to say this. I really have already done so in many ways, albeit small, but I feel I still have time to do it BIG.

And so can you. Have faith in your individuality or no one else will.

[ Please add your thoughts in the comment section below!
-------------------------
Subscribe to ctkingston.com by email subscription or RSS feed -> AND the new BuzzVoice audio feed is available LISTEN To Ct Kingston posts. Subscribe!]

  • Share/Bookmark

Tagged as: commitment, friendship, jealousy, love, respect

Previous post:

Next post:

{ 33 comments }

jeffersonreid

The green-eyed monster makes an excellent companion animal if properly domesticated. Kudos for keeping things interesting Tina.

Ct Kingston

:)

Tasha Sefrida

Great article, CTK! I'm not a jealous person too, but I still do think “Her family has more money than mine.” This article opened my eyes, heart, and my head. Good one, Christina. Thanks for sharing. xoxo

Jeanne Veillette Bowerman

Love this post, Tina! You really got me thinking about my own jealousies. I'd like to say I'm not a jealous person, but I'd be a big fat liar. I wish I wasn't, but when I do get jealous, I embrace it and try to learn from it. Why am I feeling it? Is it a red flag to a deeper problem? Should I be doing something different in my own life to feel either more secure or more challenged? Usually the jealous feeling means I'm not paying enough attention to whatever I'm jealous of. It means… get off my ass and make some changes! Thanks for making me think. Btw, I'm jealous of your mad blog design ;) Guess that means I need to get off my ass and do something more to mine! ;)

Yannibmbr

Wow. Loved. This. Post! As a firm believer that jealousy sucks, it's refreshing to actually see a viewpoint that supports the opposite perspective. I hate to admit this as well, but it is true. There's sexiness in knowing that you have someone desirable.

karen

The last time I got jealous was when I was at the zoo. The giraffes have the best damn views of Sydney – Opera House, city skyline, the harbour.. Totally unfair seeing as they are well, giraffes. And so tall – you could place them in a ditch and they'd still be able to see the goddamn Harbour Bridge. Sheesh.

karen

And one more thing.

Your blog is beautiful. I love your blog. :-)

IZTAES

Brilliant. The last three paragraphs are exactly what's been on my mind, as well. Great post. Perfect timing. Keep rocking the world, CT.

Clement Yeung

Love it. Thanks :)

Mike morucci

I like your thinking here, Tina. Jealousy to the point of letting someone know their attention to you is valued, balanced with trust in that person and you remaining secure in your own self and the relationship. I really like that you expanded it to all relationships, not just lovers. Isn't it great when you have clarity the words can flow like this? I'm a little jealous of that right now – I just need to clear my own head. Cheers!

Nini

“According to an international study, the green-eyed monster of jealousy is alive and well – and living in Brazil!
Cross-cultural research reveals that Brazilian men are the most jealous; Swedish men and women are more concerned about sex than any other nation, and Japan is the least jealous country.” (Just found that in the web)

If you're a mideastern man then you ought to be jealous, because if you are not, mideastern women will interprete it as “not being manly” and “not being interested” and turn away from you. (Wisdom my bellydance teacher once shared with me)

If you're a German man then being jealous is only too easily interpreted as a trust issue that needs to be taken care off. (Quint essence out of studying German women's magazins for years).

So yes, Jealousy Is pointless, and “somewhere” necessary it seems!

laineyd7

I'm not the jealous type, but suffered from insecurities as a young person (damn, she's so much taller and bustier than I!! Boo-h00!). Mostly over it, but I when I feel it, I wonder, like Jeanne VB, why, and how can I make some changes? And I, like Karen, wish my neck was more like that of a giraffe sometimes, as it means I'd be impossible to ignore while awaiting service at a bar or deli counter.

This is my favorite statement from you, Tina: “Honor the one you’re with, yes, but first and foremost, honor yourself.” Believe it – it doesn't mean for us to be selfish, but to take care of ourselves so that we can be a better person, friend, co-worker, contributor to the world.

roschelle

Feeling you completely about the need for jealousy to help with the recognition thing. And you're right…monogamy isn't natural but for me…it's necessary

…..unless we have an agreement…in which case I'll be exercising the same liberties as he!

Comments on this entry are closed.

blog comments powered by Disqus