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You know the quote, “Be afraid, be very afraid.”? For some the equivalent is, “Be jealous, be very jealous.” I am not a jealous person. If I act jealous I’m 98% faking it. If I am with a friend, I am with them because I adore them and love their company. I am not competing with them. Neither am I competing with utter strangers. Compete for what? Why would anyone need to “one up” someone they respect and care for or even strangers?
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When I am with the one I love, I barely notice the others around me in regards to if they are attracted to my mate. I simply don’t see what strangers are doing. Why should I give a rat’s ass about randoms? Even if they are flirting with ME, more than likely I’m clueless until someone tells me it happened.

Talking to someone else who happens to be good looking and desirable? Big frikken deal. Committing to a relationship does not make one inhuman and unaware of the beauty around us. A person can engage in conversation and admire another without sneaking off to the backseat of a car.

When I was in school my “jealously” consisted of:

But I was evolved enough to know:

I could remedy both of those things by getting a job and paying more attention to my studies. I find jealousy pointless, but sometimes appallingly necessary. For if I hadn’t been jealous in school, perhaps I wouldn’t have applied myself more to my studies and put myself in a position to find better, more fulfilling employment.

Maybe in a relationship jealousy prevents us from becoming slobs.
Why snag a lover and then let ourselves go to flab? Stop reading books?
Forget to take a shower? Fart constantly?

Honor the one you’re with, yes, but first and foremost, honor yourself.
Be jealous, but curb how much. Otherwise you will scare away the ones dearest to you. And as I said, this applies to “friendships” as well. Be yourself and don’t emulate others.
Being inspired by others is natural and often produces great results. Separate the two as best you can. Lusting after another’s life, creativity, prowess, intelligence and strength is belittling to yourself. Become your own entity, strive to improve upon your own given traits or forever be lame.

THIS is what I want to say, on my deathbed, “WOAH, I really ripped the world a new one.”
I don’t have to be famous or rich to say this. I really have already done so in many ways, albeit small, but I feel I still have time to do it BIG.

And so can you. Have faith in your individuality or no one else will.

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I’m angry. I’m furious. I’m fed up and don’t wanna take it anymore. Currently still taking it though, regardless of vehemence and bafflement. Over the past year I’ve been meeting people who act like they’re kind, attentive, thoughtful and in-tune with me. As soon as I open up, a little, they flip the switch. Suddenly the connection stretches until it’s so thin it could snap at any moment, or at least I could. SNAP. Next I’m left wondering if I should do the same, act a fool. And if I don’t then I’m allowing someone to jerk me around.
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If I return the tardation then I’m playing games and I don’t want to do that. I especially don’t want to be forced into it simply because I genuinely want to keep up the contact. But what to do?

I want the flower back, the blooming relationship that got me into the friendship garden in the first place. I’ve expressed this to them. But it’s like telling an alcoholic they’re drunk. They stumble out a rebuttal that slurs into a lie smelling of vodka puke. I feel it’s sorta the same with passive/aggressive people. Attempt to let them know their behavior swings like a pendulum and they claim it’s you, that you’ve got it all wrong. Some may even go the extra mile and claim you’re psychotic. “Oh God, another crazy chick full of drama.” I didn’t create the theater. They wrote, produced and directed the entire 3-act play and expect you to pay for a ticket. All the while claiming they don’t even like plays.

Meanwhile you’re simply trying to get a fair shake and hope they stop the split personality so you can still like them and one day relax without wondering when the next u-turn will take place. Hoping you’re not standing in the middle of the road when it happens.

I have to back up, I have no idea how to deal with these people. They perplex me beyond belief.
I’m a very direct, upfront person and always have been. I know what I want, what I need.
I know who I am. I know my failings and my good traits. Sometimes the bad outweighs the good and when that happens, I apologize. I haven’t a clue how I became a magnet for these passive/aggressives? The entirety of 2009 they came out of the woodwork in droves. Mostly via social networking sites but a couple of them somehow found me IRL buried in a crowd.
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Maybe I should stop bathing and stink them far away from me, but I imagine there’s a better option.
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