Think Sausage: Visualize Happiness

When things go horribly wrong, it’s hard to stop the emotions from growing wild and going feral. Plus, how do we stop our runaway train quickly enough to prevent a personal train wreck? There’s a myth that most suicides occur during the holidays. It’s been proven a false statistic, but I die a little every year as Thanksgiving approaches, right up until Happy New Years. I doubt I’m alone in this. As these habitual holidays crowd our social calendar it’s easy to get sucked into a sticky cycle of family-and-friend drama. Some people grow sad, many get flippantly defiant and others pull the psycho trigger.

I’ve found a way to curb the enthusiasm of a downward spiral. I’ve found a way to ascend into happiness instead of descend into madness. I found all this genius inside my desk drawer.

Back in the day when I was trying to make a decent living, way before I found out I could make an indecent living in social media, I was a waitress at a pancake joint. The entire staff wore this big button on their chests. It’s yellow because that supposedly makes people happy. It’s suggestive because people like sex. And it’s telling you to “think” which is often good advice. But this button goes a step further, telling you specifically what to think, “think sausage.” Sausage tastes good for breakfast. This is smart, happy, meaty marketing. The best part is that when you allow yourself to “think sausage” all the other thoughts disappear and your brain becomes one big delicious grease roll. There is nothing new regarding “think different” but thinking differently with reverse psychology, not limiting ourselves to sausage, is definitely worth a try and try again. If we apply this philosophy whenever things go horribly wrong, maybe the wrongs will become less wronger. For example, try out the visualization techniques below:

When Good Friends Go Bad

You’ve been through thick and thin with some of your friends. You feel you can trust them with secrets and share your life but occasionally the bond goes awry. Sometimes they wind up ‘mistakenly’ revealing that you lied on your resume, or ‘unexpectedly’ let on about the boob job and some ‘accidentally’ sleeping with your mate. But friends are friends and without them we’d all be friendless. Everyone makes mistakes, including you, so perhaps you’ll get through this. Take time to calm down and summon something warm and happy and cute, something reminding you of the cuddly days when the friendship began. When friendship gets ugly –> Visualize Puppy. THINK PUPPY.

Cubicle Constipation

Your coworker disgusts you. This person is so dumb, or so lazy, or so arrogant, or so sumthin’ sumthin’ it’s hard to believe they’re even employed! They suck so bad, their presence causes a shit cloud to form and storm on your every Monday through Friday. What to do? If you can’t get this person fired then you have to quit and re-experience a new albatross at the next job or… lump it. Pudding is lumpy, pudding is sweet and amorphous and relatively harmless. Your coworker is too, if you don’t fixate on how they ruin your day –>So Visualize Pudding.THINK PUDDING.

Someone Pissed In Your Gene Pool

Does your family have you boxed into a corner? No matter how much you’ve changed, how well your career is going, regardless of how much your life has progressed, they still imagine you as the little kid who got a boo boo on your knee, then cried. Unfortunately there’s nothing that can erase, even temporarily, the misery and stereotyping that our family gifts upon us. The best we can do is replace it with something worse to help us realize our family isn’t really all that bad. –> So Visualize Manson. THINK MANSON.

Your Love Life Wears Socks With Sandals

It’s all going great, until it’s not. What the hell is he/she talking about and why isn’t he/she giving you what you need to feel loved? I mean c’mon, you’re doing your part of the romance, but they just aren’t. Or is it you who’s backsliding? Somebody is screwing it all up and because of that there has been no screwing. The only real alternative to this dilemma is “conversation” The two of you opening up and getting to the heart of the matter, agreeing to make it better, or that you both should move on. But that’s emotional gymnastics. Not everybody is so limber. For now hanky-panky may be just the instant gratification you both need. Skip the psychobabble, ease into a hotter brain frame. –> So Visualize Sex. THINK SEX.
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Changing the rapid cycling of bad thoughts can be cured by practicing these techniques of “replacement therapy”. Yes? No? How do you feel about the holidays? Will you try this innovative idea? Tell me a situation that irks you and what visual you might use to get over the bad thoughts.
NOTE: Thinking sex can be used in place of any previous visualization suggestions if you’re in a rush.
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Tagged as: Happiness, Sausage, self help, Think, Visualization