Top 5 People Who Need To Shut Up

by Ct Kingston · View Comments

We all wear numerous hats throughout our lives, and whether we’re momentarily disguised as a patient, client, passenger, customer or even a pedestrian, we’ve encountered verbal flatulence delivered by a butthead who refuses to be quiet. And when you’re paying for a service, sometimes the free banter can ruin your day. Maybe in the future, companies will institute the silent treatment as a corporate rule, but until then…

Here are a horrible handful of overly talkative offenders:

Dentist Shut Up1.) The Dentist
A person who knows better than we do how much we fear this appointment and how fast we want to escape. Whilst we sit trapped, strapped in a chair, drooling, spittle dribbling down our chins, we are not up for conversation. It’s absurd to get probed with, “So there, patient X, what have you been up to?” How can any Dentist think asking a slew of pointless questions, while jackhammering our rotty teeth, is a good idea? It’s not. Shut Your Pie Hole!
.
Masseuse Shut Up.
2.) The Masseuse
Of all the ways to flee our hectic lives, a massage ranks high.
We schedule an appointment to wipe away the tensions and take the weight off our shoulders. This procedure requires a soothing atmosphere and most of all, silence. A massuese’s petty prattling can be so stressful it entirely defeats the purpose of our visit. Zip it!
.
Airline Passenger Shut Up

3.) The Airplane Passenger
Seriously, is this dumb ass still going on about his/her boring plight on the planet? You’re stuck in an airplane, no escape, squeezed next to an idiot who needs to get a life, one that doesn’t include you. You’re not his/her temporary best friend. You want peace. If you wanted strained conversation you’d call your family. STFU!
.
.
Waiter Shut Up4.) The Waiter
When you think of restaurants, naturally you think food. Rarely do we trek out for a meal with the hopes of catching up on our waiter’s last audition for that Viagra commercial. It’s fine for them to rattle off the specials and take our order, sure, but after that get the hell away! Scram bucko! And please stop lurking in the background waiting to drop the check, greedy for the gratuity, especially after the gratuitous gobbledegook that put us off our meal. Shove A Cork In It!
.
Nick Nolte as Crazy Drunk Homeless Man Shut Up5.) The Crazy Drunk Homeless Man
We feel bad for the homeless. Many of us wish there was a solution to this problem. No one in such a prosperous country should have to live on the street. There are those who ask for a little change or if we can buy them a meal. That’s one thing and each of us deals with it in our own compassionate way. Enter the intoxicated, psycho-ward escapee, standing on the curb, shouting various incoherencies at us, desperately needing a lesson in, “keep to yourself.” Tell it to the hand!
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Tagged as: customer service, human condition, shut up, STFU, top 5 people

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  • Can I add the television? Hey TV shut the fuck up!
  • JackiYo
    This one was sort of touched on, but my absolute worst is the nurse who is about to jab my arm, piercing through that which should not be pierced (skin is there for a REASON!) to draw some of my life-sustaining liquid from my body. I need to go to my happy place when I am about to get any sort of needle or IV put into me. When they talk, they rip me from my happy place and remind me of what's going on. I'm ok. I'm not going to faint. I don't need to know when you're going to jab me and I NEED TO STAY IN MY HAPPY PLACE!!

    (Ok. I feel better. You think they'll read the comment?!)
  • Love it!

    I'm sure they've been covered in the epic comments, but my list not including the five above:

    1. Taxi drivers
    2. Drug dealers
    3. Other patrons at adult movie stores
  • Love it right back.
    Yeah Scott, the Taxi Driver has been covered.
    They covered his eyes as you got out of the cab to grab your drugs before heading off into the porn store.
  • You said it! How can we be expected to answer questions at the dentist with our mouths full of their hands? And if they take their hands out long enough for us to answer then it makes the appointment that much longer. Oh and don't get me started on the masseuse!--I get a massage for relaxation and I fully expect to fall asleep. How can I fall asleep if they are talking the whole time? I want soothing new age music or silence. On the airplane, I am the person who whips out a book as soon as I sit down...I do NOT like to talk on the plane. Great post and all so true!
  • Thanks for the shout out Funkidiva. I raise my glass to you, make a toast to a future of silence in the dentist chair and silence as we get prodded by the masseuse . Cheers.
  • Dear, You missed the part "6. The Social Media Pros" ... they can talk a lot .. they can destroy minds using Jargons ^_^
  • Part 6, yes, yes...
    "destroy minds using Jargons"
    Ha!

    You must check this out:
    http://ctkingston.com/have-social-media-social-...
    ;-) I love seeing you here Ruhani and thanks for your help.
  • lipdesign
    FUNNY post... snort laughed, actually. Thanks for saying what many of us think out loud! I agree with Mark; love your style.
  • Thanks babe, a pleasure to see you. Appreciate the kind word. Come again, come often!
  • Great post!! And I agree with all from 1 to 4 most specially no.2. I really go to the spa for relaxation and some quiet time.. lucky for me I have not had any encounter of no. 5 :D Can I add? another one would be the pedicurist, sometimes when I am having my foot spa done, i would usually bring a book with me, my special time to read and when she start talking ughhh lol so the next time i visited and got the same pedicurist I made sure I had my iPod with me. hehe
  • Misty! I love your posts so it's an honor to hear you enjoy mine as well.
    The pedicurist for sure needs to STFU. The iPod is often the only solution to all these jabber mouthed people.
    Play the tunes!
  • mhaha very funny post... love it...
  • :-)
  • markwilliamschaefer
    Well said. Just could not stop laughing. Love your style, CT!
  • Mark, I appreciate the visit, the read and the comment. Way cool mate. Thanks:)
  • I was taught to never tell anyone to shut up. It means what that person has to say has no value. And it is rude. However, I would like to add the weather forecasters to the list. And, anti-choice hypocrites. Oh, I feel like I've waited years to let that out. I still won't say shut up out loud. I will use other words, perhaps. Nice post Tina, honey. Funny as ever. ox
  • These are people who need to shut up... I didn't yell it in their faces, it's solely my opinion. :)
    I am not one who requests discussion from any of the Top 5 listed. I'm not telling anyone to
    run around shouting shut up at people. So feel free to use whatever words you want, there is no contract to be signed when stopping by one of my blogs. I too would love the anti-choice people to shut up... too bad they have so many mouths!
  • Jenny you are awesome. -- Amusing post as always Tina.
  • Thanks Matt :)
  • ninibaseema
    I must say this comes very very close to my toplist of people who better shut up.
    Very high in rank for me as well:

    The fellow patient in the waiting room of the gynecologist
    I mean seriously. What could you possibly have to share with another patient there? "U here because you got syphillis, for real? That's interesting..." or "I'm here for a pregnancy test, I don't know how that could happen by all means, we werent really doing it but then I didnt get my period in time... "
    (You see, this is NOT getting anywhere you wanna go! Yet you meet people that feel like sharing everywhere!)
  • Ha, great! The period discussion... holy wtf? Crazy bastards!

    I've experienced that too. Oh and Oh once at the doctors office people were getting tested for HIV.
    A very serious test, right? Okay so this one dude waiting for his test results asks a girl who is also waiting, he asks for her NUMBER. Can you frikken believe that? Meanwhile I'm waiting for my annual yucky woman's probe and I have to watch this idiot flirting with a girl who may have HIV or he may have it himself?
  • Turban_Diva
    What? You mean you really don’t have to engage in conversations with these people?? That’s it. I’m shredding all the medical histories that were dictated to me in waiting lines. I feel like such a fool.
  • Waha... silly-willy. Laurie wise up girlfriend. Just talk to me from now on! x
  • thatkindofgirl
    Completely agree with all of these! Especially the waiter. Sometimes I'll chitchat a little, just to be polite, but I hate it when they take that as an invitation to get extremely personal or linger around the table as I try to focus on my entree. Another loathsome waiter trait that I think you were hinting at? Picking up the check envelope and opening it in front of me to check the gratuity. Dude! Boundaries! I've actually taken the check back from waiters and lowered the gratuity by a dollar after they've done that, just to make them appreciate how very rude it is.
  • The Waiter: "I hate it when they take that as an invitation to get extremely personal or linger around the table as I try to focus on my entree."

    Exactly! We never know whether to be polite and gab a bit back... it can often turn out badly and our food starts to taste not as good as it would have if they'd of STFU.

    That gratuity story, hilarious. Thanks babe. Come again.
  • Regular Person
    The only one who needs to shut up is you, with your bashing the homeless, food service workers in thankless jobs, weary travellers, etc, who just reach out to make a connection.
  • You obviously did not read what I wrote about the situation. I am not bashing anyone.
    BTW I know who you are. And if you have an opinion why not use your name instead of hiding behind
    anonymous. I use my name, so come on fella step up to the plate.

    Dentist: we are uncomfortable and eager to leave as much as we were eager to never go.
    Many do not want talk. Especially me, because it's hard to do it anyway.
    Massage: no need to explain further on this one.
    Waiter: as I said, yes talk about the food then do not bother us while we are trying to eat. And especially do not stand around with the check.

    Homeless Man? PLEASE READ what is written before you comment. I refer to screamers.

    This blog is about people who talk excessively during a time when we prefer silence. Your knee jerk reaction to this post shows very well that you didn't bother to read, you looked at the pics then formulated an opinion. So basically you too are a person who needs to pipe down. Don't be a troll, just be yourself.
    Opposition of anything I write is ok by me, but again, read it first.
  • BTW - If I ever end up on a plane next to you, I WILL talk to you. So get over it. ;-)
  • :-) BRING IT!
  • I would add that my salon chick needs to shut up. Your drama is of no interest to me and NO I'm not sharing my drama. Just cut my hair already.

    Thank you.
  • In replying to all the comments I'm finding the salon is a super big deal for many of you.
    Add me to the list of grumbly hairdo clients. Last haircut I got I found out the dude was engaged, going a trip to Mexico, is a regular at church and believes in clean living as well as snowboarding as often as possible.
    Um, seriously, that's absurd. I don't even know that much about my best friend! *I kid* But wow, yep, they need to STFU!
  • jane
    what about the gynaecologist...most off putting to have chatter whilst they are down below...
  • Indeed.
  • OMG.. YOU ARE SO RIGHT!!!!!!!!! This shit is hilarious. Thanks for the belly laugh.
  • In the belly? Yippy! Hi Diana ;-)
  • At the risk of revealing any horribly embarrassing life experiences, can we please add Random Medical Practitioner to the list?

    No one wants to have an x-ray technician wax on about the current Jonas Brothers album whilst arranging broken fingers on a pillow. Certainly it is not required that we try to engage in meaningful conversation while some sadistic bitch is smashing our boobs in the mammogram machine. Getting various areas of your anatomy shaved before surgery is not the time to discuss how many followers you have on Twitter.

    And also? No one needs to have a nurse talk to them about the last blind date they went on while giving someone a frigging enema.

    No.

    Just NO.
  • Random Medical Practitioner .duly noted. duly added.
    Hey Lori this x-ray person sounds like a demon.
    And getting shaved before surgery... Arrrrg... this is all very troubling and traumatic and
    you certainly do not need a blowhardy person talking at you. Jesus Christ!

    Enema???
    I say NO, I am with you, FIGHT!
  • I'd add barber, though ever since I bought my own clippers and "skinhead" became socially acceptable I never have to worry about a stranger cutting my hair again (plus it's starting to thin out, and I still have nightmares about my father's comb-over blowing around in the wind).

    Sometimes I wish my kids would shut up too. I don't care about Optimus Prime's matrix nor Wonderland kits for Touch Pets. Now I understand why, when I was a child, adults seemed so stupid - they just aint listening.
  • Someone above had a beef with the Barber too. Barber is officially on the list.
    Hey in a way it's good your Barber blabbed so much because now you are a hip skinhead and saving money with your own clippers.

    This thing about adults seeming stupid is killing me. Very funny Mike. I hope the kidlets don't read this, they'll get even with you.
  • Amen! and please don't forget the patient suffering from diarrhea of the mouth waiting with you in the waiting room to see the doctor...I'm like...WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING TO ME...I'M TIRED OF PRETENDING I'M INTERESTED!!!
  • Tell 'em girl
    "WOULD YOU PLEASE STOP TALKING TO ME...I'M TIRED OF PRETENDING I'M INTERESTED!!!"
    Give 'em the bird, then fly away to quieter pastures. Go Roschelle Go
  • Zach
    A region-specific example: NYC subway conductors. Most of what they say is incoherent anyway, so it's not like we'd be missing any important service announcements if they shut the hell up. It all sounds like when the adults talk in the "Peanuts" cartoons, but with a Brooklyn accent. And while we are stopped in a subterranean tunnel, I do not need to be reminded every 30 seconds how sorry you are for the inconvenience and given the nebulous promise that we will be moving "shortly". Which could be about an hour. You only stoke my rage with your lame, endless apologies. Can we just agree to sit quietly until you get the frigging train moving? Or at least until you have some newsworthy developments to report...

    I love this post. Well said, Tina. The dentist is my personal list topper.
  • I like the name Zach reminds me of the name Ron for some reason *;)*
    Score on Subway Spewer of incomprehensible information. Aw man, that shizz is buckwild crazy.
    Thanks for the East Coast word, homie!
  • ZOMG, Yes!

    I can definitely relate with the #1, #2, and #3 being the most annoying, horrific experience.

    I never understood why the dentist would persist in asking you questions when you're unable to speak. Talk to me, go ahead. But, ask me questions!?!? It's no wonder how 'blah blah gag gag' can easily translate into 'I had a great time at my Bat Mitzvah, this weekend.' You're not comforting me. You're making me stress out more! Adurrrr. Kickboxing always came to mind!

    I go to Massage to unwind, relax, and just let go of all the day's tension. There's soft classical music playing, the lights are dimmed, and I rejoice in the sweet aroma of essential oils. The moment of peace is lost when I suddenly hear a cacophony of wailing ducks; only to realize it's just my Masseuse regaling me with her day! So much for soothing atmosphere.

    And, as for the loquacious passenger sitting beside me on the plane--I've never ever in my life had to excuse myself to go to the toilet a million, zillion times! Not to mention the embarrassment of having a cute doctor giving me his number only so he can look into my urination problem. Euggh.

    Finally, for the biggest STFU in my life---well, I'm not brave enough...I wouldn't DARE mention it on a public blog post ;p But intuition tells me a lot of you would say, yup, that's hands-down Pipe Down Award winner!

    O Gawd! I was totally repressing all that! Thanks, Tina. ◕‿◕
  • Hot Dayum Jasmin, you didn't hold back at all babe! Woo, you wild woman. STFU Jasmin :) *kiss*
    I hear ya #1 #2 #3 And I love how you defined terms and conditions, hahahaha.
    Oh and for using the word "loquacious" you win a trophy because you are COOL~!

    Your cute doctor story is beyond the pale. OMG, that is raw... UG. & hilarious :)
    But hey, what is this "embarrassed" business? Now I'm intrigued even further.
  • This might be a completely different category, but I'd have to say Closing Time Party Girls. The ones who, at 2 am, wander the streets shouting and emitting blood curdling screams of celebration for no reason whatsoever, shout and swear at passing cabs, or get in the face of any stranger they meet, cursing and dissing them with language that no male would ever use without risking a broken nose.
  • Closing Time Party Girls "is" part of the topic. And I know of what you speak because I have been one of those boisterous boozers before! See what @TheCoolestCool says above too :) You woman bashers are out of control! *I kid*
    Actually David I'd love to see you blog about these Closing Time Party Girls... I can see the typeface already.
    I love that "Closing Time Party Girls" Thanks D.
  • love it! I'd have to move masseuse to #1 - I'm there to relax, and that doesn't involve listening to chatty cathy!
  • Kathy have you switched your masseuse to a quieter one? I did but now I miss the loud one because she was better... but if I tell her "STFU" she'll not want me to come around anymore. Grrrr
  • I quit going. Now who's payin'? Me! And you are right - she also gives the best deep tissue massages. Think I'll take my iPod and plug my ears:) Grrr to chatty!
  • iPod FTW!
  • _ms_understood
    OMG! You must have been reading my mind on Wednesday as my dentist was poking around in my mouth, telling me about his college aged 'children' and their escapades.... I mean... I'm not paying exorbitant amounts of money into my insurance so I can be his therapist, am I???????

    Pet Peeve.... getting a pedicure. I just want to relax.... I really, really do. So when you find out that I teach for a living (I'm polite, I'll answer questions...) I'm not a huge fan of listening to you go on and on about how your child's teacher just doesn't understand your Daniel's particular genius!

    But one final thing here.... I was deathly afraid I was on this list of Top 5 who need to STFU.... I mean, my friends and co-workers have certainly heard enough of my despair over *cuteguy*.....

    Sorry!! I'll promise I'll STFU now!!!

    Loved this post, Tina... it, um..... spoke to me. :-D
  • O and M and G Victoria. I was reading your mind via your teeth! Your dentist sounds like a total wanker. I'd be pissed off and threaten to have him disbarred. Are dentists barred? Um, probably not, but he'd deserve being disbarred anyway! Woah, holy moly suckage!

    The pedicure thing, hellz yes. Especially when they speak in a different language and you know they are trashing you and your feet. Waha.

    It seems that any profession that handles peeps who are tense, need to STFU during their professional-ness. And then the random peeps running around, them too. And then the...

    Maybe we all wish for a quieter world these days. All I know is V is for Victory, Victoria.
  • sharmiro
    Do we see the same dentist? I see mine 2x a year and REALLY, I don't want to know.
  • :-)
  • Love it! The paranoid, insecure side of me was hoping you didn't add chatty tweeters. :-) This is good stuff, Christina! I know everyone wants to add #6: mine is people stuck in the same slow-moving line or waiting room as you. Yes, it's painful! Yes, we all have more important things to do. No, we don't have to double the buzz kill with whining! The only time I was able to enjoy this was in Europe, when I was stuck where I didn't speak the language. Then I was just really, really confused. ;-)
  • If I added Chatty Tweeters to the list would go into the 100s with me in there too :)
    Actually you wouldn't be on it, no, no, you need to chatter way more often!
    LOVE your entry! Haaaa... the perpetual whiner in line, is a high ranker. Niiiiiice!
    And hilarious about Europe. I know, that's so funny to be able to tune out the foreign complaints.
    Except when they are directed at you. One lady was grumbling about me for what seemed like a mile...
    What did I do? I accidentally bumped into her grocery sack. I mean c'mon. Big deal.

    "Filthy American, jrtv;ioerybvtb;ciertvieh5vbt;coi4h je suis, rtgb;iwuelyvrtwe4i ciao, dfrtbvweiucw bonjour."

    :(
  • Tres bien, mon ami!!! And that's why I love you. Always kind, always encouraging, love to laugh. Can't wait for your next post!
  • Aw, for the ob-gyn, I'd rather the chatter to get it done quickly and while I'm not paying attention. Get er done, if you will. If the chatter lingers, then shut it but some quick talk to make the... er... time pass is fine with me.
  • ob-gyn is FTW. You and a few other ladies mentioned it in comments and you're all spot on. If I was doing this list over I'd include that one top of the heap! Thanks Amy Kramer for gracing my page :)
  • yes, I get it that the chick doc chatter is annoying, however, while he is checking under the hood and I am stirrup bound I'd take the chatter over him humming to the tune of "oh I wish I were an Oscar Mayer weiner" :-)
  • Nsedef
    Great post and topic. I have to say my biggest pet peeve is telemarketers or sales people who cold call you at work. Or worse, at home after a long day at the office, when you just want to unwind. When they're working off a script, you can't get a word in edgewise, so there's no chance of letting them down easily. I'm always in the midst of at least three different tasks when I pick up the phone with one of these poor souls on the other line. It's hard to imagine any sort of success rate calling professionals. I can identify them within seconds of the brief pause after I pick up the phone, while they're trying to figure out what my name is and how to pronounce it. Click.
  • Sedef, nice entry!
    Telemarketers take the cake. I always put on a fake voice (a mangling of Indian man meet Hip Hop slang) and tell them how many ways there are to Fuck off. It works. Notice how even though we all registered with son't call spam thingy, those peeps still bugger us? Actually we need to complain! To someone!

    I figured out how to pronounce your name very easily... Can I introduce you to a new product called the ShameWow? It's a rag used to clean up your mess after saying something embarrassing. [ ShameWow® a CTK1 corporate corporation marketing product] Only 19.95!
  • Hehe, love this post, Miss Kingston :)

    #6 - The person in the movie theatre that's seen the movie already, and proceeds to explain the plot points to his or her friend who needs such information. Or, on the same field, the person at the movies (usually boyfriend/girlfriend/wife/husband) who has to ask ON EVERY SINGLE F***ING PLOT POINT why that happened.

    Aarrgh! :)
  • Danny Brown, hello mister. And thank you :)
    Your #6 ...haha, a travesty to all theater goers. Good one.
    Makes you want to dump your soda or sling hard candies at them. Keep the popcorn though because that costs a fortune. Your #6, hell yeah, STFU.
  • Alicia
    HAVE to agree with the plot-spoiler in the movie theater. They deserve to be slapped.
  • Good call Alicia.
  • Or the group of old ladies who constantly chat with one another and say "Oh...did you see that?" "I think he likes her!" "That's so cute." "What just happened?"
  • Ross, why you hatin on the ladies like that? Haaaaaaaaaa... Okay, let's add this one and David Weedmark's to the list. [see below] But don't discuss it during my monthly Bra Burning party or you'll get scorched.
    Hey what about the dudes shouting their brains out while watching the sporty sports game show? Maybe we should match them up with the chatty Kathys whispering loudly about all the cuties.
  • We can agree on that - Chuck the obnoxious sports know it alls in the pit of doom as well.
  • Do you create all the wonderful graphics on this site yourself?
  • In the case of this blog and the previous one, I only found them and cropped them to suit the post (maybe alter color as well). Other images I do make, but out of found elements or they are self-portraits. Whatever aids the post, that's why I use images. Cheers Ben.
  • David
    When I used to fly all the time, I developed the technique of being able to fall asleep before getting to the runway (No, I don't still do that at the office everyday, before you bloody ask!!).

    Got me out of having to hear all the lame stories about someones long lost relative who used to live in London "Englands part of London you know" and do I know their cousin in Liverpool "Must the best place, do you know the Beatles?" No you moron, I only went to Liverpool once and hated it and I don't like their stupid football team either! Give me a break!!

    iPods are a great help too - still gets a lot of use when my wife watches crap on the telly.
  • Ha David! At the office? You ham. I wish I could fall asleep immediately but I prefer the aisle seat so I'm the host of bathroom duty for the other two piss pants passengers. Sucks.

    The list of lame stories you were able to escape ... aw man, those stories would kill an elephant.
    Ya know, you raise a good point re: iPod... I'm going to try that.
  • There's nothing that can evoke a feeling of "I'm-an-anti-social-workaholic-geek" more than sitting in a car with a chatty driver who decides you look like you want to chit chat for the whole commute. Forget about the fact that the laptop is open with the WiFi pumping, and I clearly (so I think) need to prepare for whatever meeting I'm heading to/answer 768 emails/Tweet my little heart out -- this dude wants to talk about the latest movies, traffic patterns, other folks he's driven places, etc. Seriously, I wish every livery car had those privacy screens. LOL. Great post! :)
  • The Chatty Driver! Score! Gina, that'd be in the top 10 for certain. And your experience sounds like hell on wheels, literally. Love this one!
  • jeffersonreid
    Funny stuff, @ctk1. But you skipped one of my (least) faves: TV commentators for NBA games who deserve to have their mics unplugged. The wall-to-wall commentary makes it seem like they're still painting word-pictures for radio. Dudes, stop reminiscing about your ancient hoops careers or telling us which player got a sweater from his granny with a special knitted handgun pocket. We're watching the game too, and it's a beautiful thing if you'd just kill the incessant noise pollution. Relay the key info and spare us the verbal over-dribbling.
  • Hilarity always ensues when Jefferson shows up, fresh on the scene. The TV sportscasters make me want to hurtle a beer bottle, crash the screen and do every kind of expletive up on their face! That shizz drives me nuts.
    "Verbal Over-Dribbling" is fun fun funny. You nailed it.
    Good choice J.
  • Hi C. Great post. Definitely agree with #3. I can tell you from experience... nice person, but would not stop talking...
  • #3 FTW... Sung, why must those people torture us?
  • Having been told to STFU multiple times this week, I guess I might be amongst the verbal aggressors. Were it not that I was simply trying to be as annoying as the other occupants of my work space.

    But yes, although I don't often experience it, I'm familiar with the phenomenon. Mostly the silent treatment works wonders. (and I can make a pretty convincing annoyed face)
  • Thanks for the shout out homie, you're pointing in the right direction!
    -So you're one of those people who get STFU all the time? Or do you mostly get that glazed over look of disappointment and disgust? hahaha... Whenever i'm tipsy, talking loud and telling too many stale jokes I get that STFU look... they close the iron door on me. F'em, what the hell do they know? At least we don't spend our lives [fill in the blank] like so many other [fill in the blank] and then [censored] and [censored] and whatever right? Come on and [fill in the blank]!
  • Dang, I need to turn on notifications!
    I like ur style. Thnx for the support.
    It's just that I'm a minority here, so I just tend to shut myself off and ignore everybody.
  • I'd add the hairdresser to that list. Sometimes you just want your damn hair cut.
  • I've come late to this party, but this was exactly what I wanted to add. I really don't want to talk to the hairdresser most of the time -- unless she happens to be good-looking.

    I'm not one of those people that goes to the same hairdresser all the time, so fortunately I don't have to keep them enthralled with a running commentary on my life from diapers through til the grave -- but sometimes that means giving a clear cold shoulder to the NHoTB (yes, that's New Hairdresser on the Block... oh, oh, ooh-oh, the right stuff), just to let them know that I don't really want to go through the same meaningless drivel that they talk about with everyone else.

    "So, how was your day?" ... "Are you off work today?" ... etc.

    Anyway, this was meant to be funny and it's probably ended up sounding sour! Back to sucking on this lemon I've got here, topped with battery fluid.
  • Agreed. My barber/hairdresser/stylist/whoever seriously needs to focus on what they're doing instead of my social life or theirs. Especially considering the mess they're dealing with on my head. ;)
  • Yes, the chatty hairdresser can ruin the experience (not to mention the person washing your hair -- less talking more massaging of the scalp please), but I had the opposite happen recently. I had a hairdresser who said not one word to me besides "hello" and "what are we doing today?" Sooooo uncomfortable. I'll take five minutes of obligatory chatter and then zip it.
  • My hairdo is a mess too. Maybe it's their fault for babbling instead of making me look awesome? :(
  • My hairdresser talks a lot too, wow, it's a drag. Just do the hair. Indeed.
  • One more to add to the list from the male perspective: The Urinal Talker. I'm there to take a piss, not have a conversation about work, the weather, or your plans for the weekend. When you unzip your pants, zip up your mouth, I'm holding my dick dude.
  • Yeah, the Tinkle Talker is a definite STFU person. The only thing more disturbing than that is the person who takes pictures of urinals then shares them on his blog to point out a marketing innovation. Gah, no one wants to see that!
  • Before I hop in the car, had to come back and ask do I always refer to you as "nasty ass"? Maybe I should check my own site's search feature for the words. But seriously you rock me, bro!
  • You are brilliant. I don't say that often. Unless I'm drunk! You're pick of STFU dick in hand Toilet Talker is FTW. You score babe, you score! Thank satan below for my luck to meet your nasty ass. Adoration ;)
  • Well, thanks. I'd still be impressed if you said it while you were drunk. Ditto adoration.
  • LMAO!
  • This isn't funny - This is a frequent occurrence which needs to END. Do ladies talk to each other when they're in stalls?
  • Your coworker who drones on and on about nothing while you are buried until mounds of projects. They don't get the hint and will stand in your office chatting away without any sort of filter. GAH! Love your style girl... fresh.
  • The coworker takes the cake. Yuck. Especially when free donuts are involved and everyone runs like they're in a marathon just to get a 50cent piece of lard with a hole in it. Craziness. Good one... Coworker STFU!
    Oh oh and when they step into the office on Monday with the typical mantra, "Did you have a good weekend?" and what about on Friday when they said, "Have a good weekend." STFU... pfft.
  • Pilots. All we wanna know is when we're gonna get there and how hot or cold or wet or dry it'll be. That's all.

    We don't need no bullshit about latitude, longitude - er, even if we know what you're talkin' about, do we care? We don't need to know that the island we can't see beneath the wing or clouds below is some island off the coast of blah blah which we've never heard of, that is to the south of whatever. Or how much you've enjoyed serving us or hope we enjoyed the trip or hope we have a wonderful time at our destination or spend it with famiily... We don't know you. You don't know us. Your job is to get us there and get off the PA system so we can return to our goddamn movie!

    That said, since I travel on the road more than I do in the air, I'd have to give the Pipe Down Award to cab drivers. Okay, so some of them are amusing and great material for writers. But same as above applies - your job is to get us there. STFU and drive or fly or whatever it is you're paid to do. Fantastic post Tina!
  • Pilots! Haaaaaaaaa! When I say Ha, I am doing it in the LOL fashion, out loud and snorting.
    The pilots are so annoying with all that longitude, so correct! I'm already annoyed when the stewardess
    alerts me to what the pilot's name is! WHO CARES! Just land safely. Karen you're killing me.
    And the cab drivers are by far worse than the snotty pilots with their latitudes! The cabbies, wow.
    Someone chimed in below about the taxi drivers too. On a top 10 they'd be way high! You're killing me Karen.
  • Aw, I love when pilots add commentary! Haha.
  • Karen is uproarious, yes Amaaaaaaaaaanda.
  • Cathy
    Thank you! Unfortunately, the biggest offenders are probably too busy talking to read your post.

    I would like to make one very important addition: the gynecologist. As a general rule, I do not want to make small talk with a stranger who is tooling around in my vajay-jay. I prefer to enjoy my shame silently. And, I prefer my doctor to concentrate on whether everything is in order down there, not the details of his latest ski trip.
  • Thanks Cathy. Jeanne above mentioned this doctor of our privates too (up above).
    They do need to calm the chatter, true dat, true dat. All we need is for them to tell us our naughty bits are in working order, yes...
  • laineyd7
    I'm crying with laughter! I wish the cashiers at the grocery store would not talk about their horrendous blind date or how many beers they drank last weekend over my head while scanning my deli meats and breakfast cereals.

    What do you think the "Pipe Down Award" statue would look like? A length of copper plumbing pipe with a sock in it would work...
  • Elaine! Oh goodness, those grocery store folk can really be a pain in the ass. The last annoying bastard I had took forever to rang up one item because he was so busy babbling about a concert with the bagger. Grrr...

    Hmm, what would the Pipe Down Award look like?

    "length of copper plumbing pipe with a sock in it"
    Perfection.
  • jeannevb
    GREAT post, Tina! When I saw the title, I was afraid I might be on the list! ;)
    I've been accosted by every one of the above. Here's another one... your gynecologist! There you lay, spread-eagle, totally uncomfortable, and they start chatting about the weather, movies, the kids or the latest book they read. I DON'T CARE! Shut up and GET OUT OF THERE! Oh, and here's another personal favorite: you're driving through a construction area, and the flag man stop the car in front of you. That bozo then rolls down his window to chat. It's now clear to go, but the flag fool is STILL talking, thrilled to have something to do other than wave his magic flag. It's times like this I wish I had a blow dart in my car. People really do need to learn to shut up. Wait a minute, this was a very long comment..... oops *zip*
  • Gynecologist is a great addition! Spread eagle and Poontang Doc rambles on, holy crap!
    The construction dude? Ha... I've had that one too. Unfortunately the guy was so hot looking I kind of held up traffic listening to him wax rhapsodic about a future trip somewhere. I wasn't paying attention to the details of the discussion. I was waiting for a moment to maybe get his number. Ooolalala.
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