What’s the Worst Thing You’ve Ever Done?

Think about it, what is the worst thing you’ve ever done? The more heinous the better, because no matter what, if you’re guilty, Whoopi Goldberg will defend you! No, she is not a lawyer but over the years, as a public, pro-bono side job, she’s verbally taken up the cases of every creep who keeps the gossip pages alive.

But as Kanye West might say, “Yo Whoopi, I’m real happy for you and Ima let you finish, but Johnny Cochran was the best criminal defender of all time! All time!”

Here’s a list of Whoopi’s greatest hits:

Roman Polanski: Pedophile, Rapist, Sodomizer

Whoopi claims that Polanski, who was 44 at the time when he drugged a 13-year-old girl into unconsciousness before having nonconsensual vaginal and anal sex with her, is not really a rapist.
Her exact words are:
“I know it wasn’t rape-rape. It was something else, but I don’t believe it was rape-rape.”
Apparently rape-rape is a crime but doping and then molesting a teen in all her orifices is some kind of vaguely defined “non-rape” … Whoopi get your head outta your ass, we all know it was rape and even rape-rape.
But maybe it wasn’t rape-rape-rape? Nope, it was that too!
->WHOOPI – Pro Rape

Mel Gibson: Anti-Semite, Racist, Sexist, Misogynist

First Mel Gibson blamed the Jews for all the problems in the world and shouted “sugar tits” at a female officer. Now Mel is screaming c*nt at his wife, calling people n*ggers and what else do we need, after numerous eye-witness accounts, as proof that Mel is a racist, misogynistic bastard? But maybe he’s not so bad, maybe drinking causes him to hate? Maybe we should ease off Hitler, perhaps the Führer was drunk on German Lager? And maybe Mussolini had a little too much wine? Too be fair, Whoopi did have a “bone” to pick with Mel, but she still let him off the hook.
Her exact words are:
“I know Mel, and I know he’s not a racist.”
“You can say he’s being a bonehead, but I can’t sit and say that he’s a racist.”
->WHOOPI – Pro Racism

Chris Brown: Woman Basher

After Chris Brown bashed Rhianna’s brains in, Whoopi leapt in to defend the undefendable once again. While Whoopi didn’t blatantly condone Brown’s brutal assault, she didn’t see why it should make him miss out on a chance to continually plug his CD on TV. Especially since Rihanna had gotten to promo hers. Um, maybe it’s because Rhianna hadn’t been convicted of committing ferocious force on somebody’s face. Intially Whoopi was completely on Chris’s side and suggested that Rhianna may have performed “male sexism” on him, if, perhaps, she had possibly hit Chris first.
WHOOPI – Pro Assault & Battery

Christian Bale: The Human Atom Bomb

Christian Bale is caught on tape exploding into a verbal onslaught of craziness after a crew member enters his peripheral vision during a scene. Bale is a wildly talented actor. He’s intense and passionate about what he does, but there is no excuse for his rambling outburst. He knows full well his actions were defenseless. It happened, he apologized, now it’s his private time to try and prevent it from recurring. But Whoopi? Hell naw, she thinks it is his right to go ballistic on a crew member.
Her exact words are:
“[...] have to jump out of character to tell you something you should know.”
“You’re in a zone and it’s crazy.”
WHOOPI – Pro Verbal Abuse & Pro Crazy
I regret that Jeffrey Dahmer’s crimes of rape, murder and cannibalism are ancient history because I’d love to hear Whoopi’s defense: “People need to stop tarnishing Jeffrey’s reputation. The man was hungry! When a man is hungry, c’mon y’all, a man has GOT to eat!” And if she’s so gung-ho to release Polanski maybe she’d also droolingly suggest we pardon Charles Manson since his slaughtering rampage happened ages ago. “C’mon courts, Manson has had enough harassment. It wasn’t murder-murder!” We also missed out on Whoopi claiming Nicole Simpson could have perpetrated “male sexism” on OJ before he stabbed her to death.
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[ Please add your feelings to the comment section below.
What other people might Whoopi defend? What might be her take on the matter? Would you like Whoopi to defend something bad you may have done? Maybe you callously dumped your mate via a text message. No matter how big or small, she will defend you. Feel comfort in knowing no matter what horrendous acts you’ve committed there is a world famous celebrity who thinks you’re A-okay. Your thoughts?
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Tagged as: Crime, Defends, Innocent, The View, Whoopi Goldberg